So You’re Thinking About Opening Your Relationship? Read This First
Open relationships: thrilling in theory, absolute chaos in execution… unless you go in with your eyes wide open.
For gay and lesbian couples, opening up can feel both liberating and terrifying. There’s the promise of sexual freedom, emotional exploration, and finally getting to see what the big deal is with throuples. But there’s also jealousy, hurt feelings, and the occasional “Wait… why is he sleeping over again?”
So before you download Grindr or start a shared Notes app titled “approved playmates,” here are 11 things to think about when you’re thinking about opening your relationship—from someone who’s seen the good, the bad, and the “wtf just happened.”
1. Why Do You Really Want to Open It?
Be honest. Is it about exploration? Boredom? A crush you’ve been low-key entertaining? Or are you trying to fix something that’s already broken?
Pro tip: An open relationship won’t patch a cracked foundation—it’ll just add more weight.
2. Are You on the Same Page… Or Even in the Same Book?
It’s not enough to agree to an open relationship. You have to agree on what that even means. Are we talking casual hookups? Emotional connections? Full-blown boyfriend #2? Define it. Then define it again.
3. What Are Your Non-Negotiables?
Jealousy’s going to show up at some point, so you better know your own limits first.
- Can people sleep over?
- Is kissing off-limits but everything else goes?
- Are friends off the table?
If you don’t set your own boundaries, someone else will.
4. Time Management Is a Real Thing
Open relationships aren’t just emotionally complex—they’re logistically messy.
You’ll need to start managing your time like a Google Calendar on Red Bull.
Sexual liberation is fun until you’re double-booked for dinner and a dungeon.
5. How Will You Handle Jealousy When (Not If) It Shows Up?
No matter how evolved you think you are, jealousy is inevitable.
It’s not if it happens—it’s what you do with it.
Learn to talk about it without blame. (And maybe without yelling. Try.)
6. Don’t Assume It’ll Be Equal—Because It Won’t Be
One of you will get more attention. One of you will have more dates. One of you will have more “oh crap, that was really good” moments.
That doesn’t mean someone’s doing it wrong. It means you need to check your ego—and your expectations.
7. Be Ready to Talk. A Lot. Like… a Lot.
Communication becomes your new kink.
You’re going to talk about feelings, sex, awkward moments, wins, mistakes, crushes, and “I don’t know how to say this but…” conversations.
If you hate talking about stuff, don’t open your relationship. Just don’t.
8. Know That Not Everyone Will Get It
Your friends might be judgy. Your parents might think you’ve joined a cult.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but it helps to be ready for the “Wait… you’re allowed to do that?” questions.
9. You’re Gonna Need a System
“Don’t ask, don’t tell” is a recipe for disaster.
So is “I tell you everything even the awkward moaning part.”
Figure out what you want to know, what you don’t, and how you’re going to keep each other in the loop.
10. Sexual Health Gets Even More Real
You’re not just sharing emotional bandwidth—you’re sharing bacteria now too.
Be grown-ups. Get tested regularly. Talk about protection. Don’t rely on “he looked clean.” This isn’t 2006.
11. This Is Not a One-and-Done Conversation
Opening up your relationship is not a light switch—it’s a dimmer, and it changes all the time.
Check in. Adjust. Renegotiate.
The rules you start with won’t be the rules you keep. That’s okay. That’s part of the deal.
TL;DR: Open relationships can work. But they don’t run on autopilot. You’ve got to bring honesty, emotional maturity, and the willingness to get uncomfortable. Often.
But if you do it right?
It can be expansive. Healing. Hot.
And yeah, a little chaotic.
But hey—when have we ever been scared of a little drama?
Written by The Media King – Will Walker | @WNWalker
www.WNWalker.com
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